Getting Child Custody

Telling Kids about Divorce? Avoid These Mistakes.

Posted on January 4, 2009
Filed Under child custody | Leave a Comment

by Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

Preparing to break the news to your kids that you're divorcing their other parent? Feeling insecure about how to broach the subject? Wondering how much to share? How your children will react? How to handle their questions? How to deal with your special circumstances? What the experts suggest?

Talking about divorce to your children is tough. You don't want to make mistakes you will regret.

There are many common mistakes parents make at this time. Learn some of the most important ones so you can avoid them.

Pressuring children to make choices. Most kids feel torn when asked to choose between parents. Don't put them in that position.

Forgetting to emphasize that your children are innocent. Often children blame themselves for their parent's failed marriage. It is important to remind the kids often that they played no part in the decision to divorce. They are not to blame.

Sharing information only adults should be aware of. Parents often do this to bond with their children or try to win them over. It creates a burden that children shouldn't have to bare. Talk to adults about adult issues.

The good news is there is lots of help available to you from qualified professionals. For a peaceful divorce, try mediation or an attorney specializing in the Collaborative Divorce model. Family therapists are always an excellent resource. You can also reach out to clergy, guidance counselors in the schools or professional coaches who handle divorce and family issues. In addition, many outstanding books and articles provide expertise on this subject.

However you approach this challenging conversation, be prepared. Understand the effects " both emotionally and psychologically " this news can have on your children. Learn how to avoid the common mistakes parents make when they haven't done their homework in advance. You and your children can survive -- and even thrive -- after divorce.

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