The '3' Things Every New Dad Must Know
Posted on July 8, 2010
Filed Under fathers rights | Leave a Comment
The '3' Things Every New Dad Must Know
I have seen so much information and resources for Moms and Moms-to-Be, but rarely have I seen information and tips specifically for a new Dad. So many Dads I've spoke with seem willing to spend money on the latest and greatest book on "how to raise your baby" that I felt compelled to offer Dads a brief lesson in what it takes to be a GREAT DAD. You'll hear a lot of advice from far too many people that say things like, "No TV before their five" or that "You need to train them to clean their plate." Well, it isn't that they are wrong necessarily; it's just that they feel that their way is the "right" way.
There are three components that happy and successful Dads use. If you utilize these three things from my personal experience, you will have a more enjoyable experience as a Dad.
1. Listen to your Intuition. This is THE most important. Don't think because this is your first baby and because you have never done this before that you don't have a strong feeling of how you want to raise, care, and help your new baby. YOU make the choices for your child and will undoubtedly receive a lot of advice, but you are the decision maker for your baby. You know how you were raised and there may be parts you want duplicate for your child and other things you want to change. There is no "right" or "wrong" way; you ultimately make that choice until your child can make those choices themselves.
2. Embrace Playtime. What you offer your baby is a different energy than Mom. Often more adventure and outward based. Overly simplified, a Mom usually likes to keep her baby close to her, often facing her. While many Dads will carry their baby facing out to explore the world with him. A baby learns from their interactions with you, so the time you spend exploring fingers, or the latest object they want to put in their mouth is helping them discover their world. It also helps them develop motor skills, language, brain development and so much more. All by simply spending time playing together.
3. Make Time For Yourself. When Dads take time to recharge, they will really be present and appreciate the time they have with their baby. How you do this is not important, what is important is that you do this every week. It is a great way to let go of any stress, worries, or concerns you have whether it be work, money, or family related. This way you can truly be with your baby and feel a love that is like no other. If you practice these three things your experience as a Father will be more enjoyable and rewarding for you, your baby, and for your family.
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Introducing Someone New to Your Kids After a Divorce
Posted on June 14, 2010
Filed Under Parenting Plan, child custody | Leave a Comment
Introducing Someone New to Your Kids After a Divorce
For anyone involved in a divorce, this can be a painful process that takes time to fully get over the whole ordeal. Many people who have been through a divorce can have many things that need to be dealt with before that person is able to get back into the dating scene again. Once you have gotten back into that scene, you might just end up finding that person that you could see yourself falling in love with. If you have found this person, the first thing that you may be worried about is introducing this person to your kids.
Dating after a divorce can be a hard thing in itself without the pressure of having to introduce the person to your children. The first thing that you should consider when you are going through the process is to pick a time that will be comfortable for all of the people involved. This could be a family barbeque or just going out to dinner. Make sure that you keep the lines of communication open both between you and your children and between you and the person you are dating. Being honest is the most helpful thing you can do for everyone in a situation such as this one. If you are also close with your ex spouse, you might want to make them aware that you are now dating someone new and you are thinking of introducing this person to the kids. Although you are not married, it is still a sign of respect because you both still have children in common with each other and just want to look out for their well being.
The next thing that you need to consider is talking with your kids about meeting this person before you just set up the situation. You need to hear out their fears and concerns before you set anything up. If they aren't comfortable with meeting this person you are dating yet, don't force the situation. If you force the situation to much, there can be hostile feelings toward you and the person you are dating in the long run. You need to make sure and remember who is going to be your top priority in this type of situation. Communication can be the most helpful thing you can do with everyone. Remember, when the time is right things will happen naturally.
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Moms Have Super Powers
Posted on June 9, 2010
Filed Under Mother's Rights | Leave a Comment
Moms Have Super Powers
Moms are super heroes. They even have super powers. It has not been determined if they are born with these powers or if they come from a reaction to toxic waste (in the form of diapers) or other chemicals. All that is certain is that moms can do things normal humans can not.
1. A mom can hold a diaper bag, purse, baby and cupcakes with out spilling a thing - just don't offer to take anything or it will all come tumbling down.
2. A mom can go for several nights on five minute cat naps between upset children, cleaning the garbage can and changing the sheets! The amazing thing is that she won't need a nap the next day.
3. A mom can hear the kids asking questions while answering an email while talking on the phone - and not miss a beat. It goes beyond multitasking to an almost computer like ability to comprehend information and then respond.
4. A mom can hear a problem before it arises - she knows when that gagging noise is going farther and is prepared before anything can happen. It is not just about the noise, but knowing response time AND knowing how to respond.
5. A mom can recognize a look and know immediately that the child broke something, hit someone or is just "taking a break." She also has eyes in the back of her head so that she can see the pushing and shoving without having to SEE the pushing and shoving.
6. A mom can make any needed item magically appear from either the car, her purse or the diaper bag. It doesn't matter if it is nail clippers, a screw driver or band aids - she has access to it all in the snap of a finger.
There are things that can drag a mom down - every super hero has her kryptonite. But for the most part the mom is going to know the who, the what, the why, the when and the how long before the situation arises. It's just part of being a mom.
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Visitation Recommendations For Children Under the Age of Three
Posted on August 8, 2009
Filed Under Visitation Rights | Leave a Comment
Visitation Recommendations For Children Under the Age of Three
An infant's basic needs are food, sleep and physical contact. However, when you are divorced, you want the infant to be able to recognize you as the parent. This is only possible if there are frequent visitations as then the infant will be able to recognize your face and voice. That is why psychologists recommend that non-custodial parents visit children under the age of three frequently and this visit should last around 2 hours each time. Overnight stays at this point are not recommended as the infant will miss the custodial parent, who is its primary caregiver.
When a child is between 6 months and 18 months, he knows immediately when the parent is not around. As a non-custodial parent, if you do not make regular and frequent visits, the child might get anxious and stressed by your absence. This is the age when the non-custodial parent should form an emotional bond with the child and you should concentrate about forming an attachment with the child. It is quite possible for you have a healthy emotional relationship with the child even though you and your spouse are now divorced.
Between the age of 18 months and 3 years, the child starts becoming independent. However, he needs a sense of security; he wants to make sure that the parents will be in his life forever. If a child doubts this, you can be sure that he will be constantly asking you whether you still love him. This is the time when a child will figuring out whether he can depend on his parent and that is why you should always be around when you make a promise and try have visit him as often as possible.
Children need to feel loved and safe and the only way you can show your feeling for them is to visit them as often as possible after the divorce. That is why when children under the age of three are involved you should try to negotiate a visitation schedule with your ex-spouse.
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Relationships - How Quickly After a Divorce Should I Start Dating?
Posted on July 18, 2009
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Relationships - How Quickly After a Divorce Should I Start Dating?
You're ready. It's not a question of if any longer, only when. How do you know that you're ready to start a relationship after a divorce? How do you know that you're ready to date again? You're reading this article, aren't you? You've questioned whether or not it's worth it to take that step, to delve into something as risky as it is rewarding. You've debated it in your head, asked your friends about it in sly and coy ways, and when doubting, asked outright in forthright tones. And it's too late. The once distant thought about dating has been planted in your mind, and it has been growing, albeit slowly, but gradually until it's led you here. Let me be the first to welcome you, if you have not already received a welcome kit from the post-divorce-it's-ok-to-date community. Welcome.
So what are some of the signs that you're ready for a relationship? And when is it too quick to start dating? As already mentioned, by the fact that you're reading this article, it's a tell-tale sign that the thought has been growing in your mind and heart and that you're ready - even if you don't yet realize it. You've already decided that life is too short to be alone and your heart is crying out for companionship. And you've probably already found yourself looking across the room and locking eyes with an attractive co-worker, colleague or stranger while waiting in line, dozing off in a meeting or walking to the printer.
And while these rediscovered feelings of attraction may have made you slightly uncomfortable and self-conscious, you've also been bombarded by feelings of disappointment, fear of failure and uncertainty. These are all natural reactions to experience when thinking about relationships, but it's also important to understand that these feelings are in fact natural and in a way a part of your natural defense mechanism to protect yourself again more emotional pain. But the key to dating after a divorce and starting a relationship is to let down your walls and follow your heart. And once you do, you'll find that there are a lot of opportunities out there to help you find a great date.
These days in the Internet-era, there's 101 ways to meet a date - everything from the most random of ways, such as bumping into people at a bar (or the car wash for that matter), to online dating services where you can chat, e-mail and send virtual affections electronically. These can be potentially good ways to meet new people and possibly begin a relationship, and they have their share of successful testimonials from people who have found successful relationships. But one opportunity that may minimize the risk and stigma associated with online dating or random happenstance, is matchmaking.
Matchmaking can potentially be a great way to go simply because it eliminates guessing and relies on knowledge and trust. Matchmakers know people on a deeper level and can offer suggestions that highlight compatibility. A matchmaker is someone you can trust, someone who can know you, your thoughts, your past, and your plans for the future, to offer positive suggestions for new relationships. Best of all, it's someone you can trust who understands where you've been, how you've questioned whether it's too quick to start dating after a divorce, and offer possible matches based on your individual experiences and desires. After all, all relationships begin and end in trust.
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