Getting Away From the Best Interests of the Child - Standard in Determining Child Support
Posted on May 28, 2009
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Getting Away From the Best Interests of the Child - Standard in Determining Child Support
Obviously, child support was developed for the best interests of the child or the children of a relationship between to consenting adults. According to Los Angeles divorce attorneys, courts can consider several factors in determining child support. First, the court can consider the child's wishes. Second, the court can consider, the parents' wishes. Third, the court can consider the relationship of the child to the other siblings in the house in determining child support. Finally, the court can take into consideration the mental health and physical health of the child. Obviously, these are all subjective determinations.
Given the fact that the court has a whole host of issues and considerations within his or her discretion, there is an argument for the family law system to arrive at a more objective standard. Specifically, state legislatures need to devise a better and more fact intensive objective analysis for the determination of child support and child visitation.
California follows the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act. According to proponents of this bill, California discourages the best interests of the children standard because it is not objective. California tries to minimize litigation by discouraging wide discretion with the court with the adoption of the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act. Indeed, according to the legislators, this decreases the incentive for costly litigation. Obviously, the goal of child support is to place the child's interests in the best light. Therefore, child support, according to California law should be a top priority. Clearly, California is headed in the right direction by encouraging a more objective standard in determining child support. Having said that, however, adoption of the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act is clearly not good enough because there is still subjective criteria within the discretion of the court. The question becomes whether there will ever be a law that can objectively help families determine what is in the best interests of the child or the children.
Grandparents Claim Custody of Grandchildren
Posted on May 27, 2009
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Grandparents Claim Custody of Grandchildren
Daily we read and hear something which we know already or something which is more likely linked with our lives. Yes something such I happen to see in today's newspaper. It was a report about the "Grandparents claiming the custody of their grandchildren".
These days we have forgotten our values and traditions of how our parents bought up by giving their age to make us happy. But still we're stressed and tensed about something or the other. We complain in short. Now our parents are fighting for our kids. It's because of us. When they had already gone through so much pain and struggle to raise us from kids to adults and still going, they are even trying to claim the custody of our kids. Why is this happening? Are we not responsible for our kids like our parents? Have a thought. Think and comprehend.
More and more grandparents are coming forward to claim the custody of their grandchildren just to save them from their squabbling parents. It is because that they love their grand children and wish well and good of them and so about their children who has been neglecting their children for the sake of their own lives. Children are supposed to be raised in good environment where parents and family make bliss and enjoy the babyhood with the growing years. But that is we find very rarely these days.
There has been an increase in the number of elderly people who are legally trying to win rights to take care of their grandchildren. The courts are also awarding custody of grandchildren to grandparents if they are able to successfully prove that they are in a position to take care of the children.
Many cases are in rise where the grandparents are filing petition for the custody of their grand son and daughter because of the divorce of their son or daughter. When asked about the opinion of the children as with whom they are willing to stay the answer is grand mother and grand father as they feel more loved and cared by them.
In my view there is nothing wrong in claiming the custody of grandchildren by their grand parents. If they are well and good to heed the children, the custody should be given to them as they children are more attached to the grandparents than working single mothers or divorced spouses who cannot be held for the entire responsibility of the small children with stressed work and tensed life.
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Success Training in Life After Divorce Includes Forgiveness
Posted on May 22, 2009
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Success Training in Life After Divorce Includes Forgiveness
Back in the 1980's as a young man, I led a group of us that started a Divorce Recovery Workshop in my home town. Although my wife and I were young and had small children, as pastors on a large church staff we saw a huge need in our community. Along with a small group of divorced people, we begin to run this 8 week seminar twice a year. It built slow, but had great results with this success training. After a few years of hundreds of people that were touched by the seminar, we handed it off to an associate. In looking back there were many things that I could identify as reasons for the popularity and impact the work had, but this article will deal with one of the keys, if not the top key, that was discussed and implemented that set people free.
The topic of the lesson that contained this key was forgiveness. We discussed forgiveness and laid a foundation of the many of the well known and taught aspects of this important principle in relationships:
1. Forgiveness is an act of the will - not an emotion. Most of the time we need to forgive because we feel hurt. With hurt emotions we usually do not feel like forgiving someone, but it is vital we choose to do this - both in our hearts, and where appropriate, to have a discussion with the person we need to forgive.
2. Forgiving when you don't feel like it is NOT hypocrisy. If you claim to believe in forgiveness, then it would be hypocritical NOT to forgive, regardless of how you feel about it. Hyprocrisy is acting contrary to your beliefs, not going against your feelings.
3. You must choose to forgive, whether you think the other person deserves it or not.
We are not talking about being a wimp, or letting people walk over you - but recognizing how vital your choice of forgiveness is for your mental and spiritual health. So - here is the key that set so many people free:
In almost every situation where conflict or hurt feeling occur, it is truly rare that one person is either completely blameless - OR - one person is 100% to blame for the situation. So - in our workshop we instructed the divorced person simply to pick a percentage as a number that they felt they contributed to the failure of their marriage. We didn't mean the actually filing of the divorce papers - many people don't want to end up divorced, but they do - but the actual blame they would accept for the things they did or didn't do that led to the deterioration of the relationship. We had them write down a number between 1% and 99% that they would give themselves that they felt they were responsible for in the breakdown of their own marriage. The could choose any number - except 0% or 100%. For a few this was hard, but almost everyone that went through our workshop was able to pick a number.
Here is the amazing thing: The number doesn't really matter! (As long as it isn't ZERO or ONE HUNDRED.)
We then had them take that number and implement forgiveness:
1. To forgive their ex-spouse for their part in the marriage failure.
2. To forgive themselves for their own part in the marriage failure.
3. To ask forgiveness FROM their ex for their part of the marriage failure -without expecting any reciprocation.
4. To ask any children affected by the divorce for their forgiveness for the marriage failure.
We spent a good deal of time on this, and gave counsel on how to, if at all, approach their ex or children. Those that followed through (and most did) found great release, healing, and freedom by acting on this key. Some of the stories they told were amazing. We actually had ex-marriage partners come through the next workshop because they were amazed at the transformation of their ex-partner due to the workshop.
After the first night of a new workshop series my wife and I were driving home discussing the evening. We had about 150 new people there that night and I asked my wife: "Did you meet that woman?" My wife knew exactly who I meant - Claudia was the most bitter woman (and it showed) that either of us had ever seen or met. Three or four weeks into the workshop series she called me and asked if she could come by my home - she said it was important! We talked for a quite a while and then I explained forgiveness to her again. When I explained to her that she needed to forgive her ex, she became very angry at the thought. (Forgiveness isn't saying what an offending party did was OK, or letting the off the hook - in her ex's case it was on-going adultery.)
I explained to her she didn't even need to feel like it, she just needed to do it. So she expressed forgiveness towards him through clenched teeth, and left my home. I heard the rest of the story a couple of days later . . .
As she was driving home she said she felt a warmth start in her finger tips and work its way up her arms and into her chest. She had intended to murder her ex, but instead she threw away the home made bomb in the car she had made, and continued on a path of healing. Her and John were remarried to each other a couple of years later.
For most attenders to our workshop, the possibility of a reconciliation was too late. We had a former Miss America come through the workshop, and people from all walks of life. The key works for everyone.
Conflict resolution and emotional healing are difficult and complex issues, BUT this key is one that helps, and can be applied to almost any situation, not just divorce recovery.
I've used this principle in every arena of life including business. If you are looking for conflict resolution, jot down the percentage of responsibility you are willing to assume, and then implement true forgiveness around that number.
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Child Custody Strategies - Personal Stability
Posted on May 5, 2009
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Child Custody Strategies - Personal Stability
During a divorce, there are a great number of issues that need to be settled: dividing up accumulated belongings, assets, and memories, financial arrangements, even care and visitation of family pets has become a big concern in recent years. However, among all of these problems, one matter stands out as the ultimate point of contention -- custody of the children.
When a divorcing couple cannot come to a mutually agreed-upon compromise regarding custody of the children (and let's face it, it is a very rare couple who can), it falls to the court system to intervene and facilitate an arrangement "in the best interests of the child." When they do this, one very important detail they consider is the stability (or lack thereof) that each parent will bring to the life of the child.
When psychologists are called to testify in family court, they invariably assert that children need routine and stability. Therefore, nothing will concern a judge more than a parent who is constantly making changes -- whether it be in his job, his housing, or his relationships. Even though these parents may feel that they have good reasons for each change, a judge will examine the overall pattern and raise concerns about consistency and dependability.
Think about it... ever notice how your child enjoys watching the same movie or T.V. episode over and over again? Children thrive on repetition and permanence in all aspects of their lives. A judge can be persuaded to overlook many less than ideal choices in your housing, job, or relationship if they are stable over the course of time. If, for some reason, you do need to make a change in a major area such as employment or housing, you need to do so carefully and with a well-thought-out plan.
If you make a number of changes to your life, the other parent will attempt to persuade the judge that, no matter how good your current situation seems, based on your history of instability, it is unlikely to last. You won't be able to convince the court of your good position if the other side can point out that it is likely to be short-term and undergo constant change.
So, in order to ensure an advantage in any custody litigation, please remember to consider stability in all aspects of your public and personal life.
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Child Visitation - How to Divide Time Between Parents
Posted on April 1, 2009
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Child Visitation - How to Divide Time Between Parents
A Family Law Attorney From Southern California Explains Child Visitation
Child Visitation Overview
Issues with child visitation arise out of situations where both legal guardians of the child are no longer acting as a couple. Visitation refers to how the child's time will be divided between both legal guardians. It is usually decided by the court system, especially in cases where each guardian is asking for the same amount of visitation.
What it Means For You
If you are filing for visitation, the best thing to do is contact a lawyer in order to mediate for the maximum amount of child visitation you wish to have. The primary reason for this is that child custody battles tend to be very strenuous and emotional. Alleviating you of the direct confrontation about child custody matters with your ex spouse is a huge relief when dealing with such an emotional issue.
Supervised and Unsupervised Visitation
Supervised visitation is when courts find that the child's well being is compromised be spending time alone with a parent. If this is mandated, it is required that the adult meet with the child while another adult, court employee or private agency is present.
Unsupervised visitation is granted to the parent who does not spend more than half their time with the child. Unsupervised visitation should be highly detailed and planned beforehand to avoid arguments and confusion. The more specific the better.
Common Visitation Schedules
Common visitation schedules leaves the parent with less than half of their time with the child seeing the child every other weekend and alternating holidays. Common variations include a pick up and drop off once during the week by the parent with the least amount of visitation.
Family legal matters can be extremely emotional, frustrating and costly. Because of this, it is important that you get the right informatin BEFORE you take action regarding a divorce, child custody, child support, adoption, or any other important legal matter.
Get the information you need to make an intelligent, informed decision regarding your and/or your children.
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